It’s None Of Your Business, Except When It Is

Sometimes what someone thinks of you is a reflection of the story you are telling the world. 

“What another person thinks of you isn't your business.” This idea has been popularized in health and fitness circles, almost to the point of cliché. The intent — to empower people to feel good about themselves despite other people’s negative judgments — is honorable. It’s also flawed. I contend that maybe, just maybe, what another person thinks of you IS your business. Perhaps what someone thinks of you is a reflection of the story you are telling in your actions, your words, and your posture. There is absolutely a personal interpretation and judgment that is happening, but have you considered what are they interpreting? What are they judging?

There are generalities, stereotypes, racisms, bigotries that actually have nothing to do with WHO you are and are made without your putting forth a story. These, I would agree, are none of your business and tell more about the observer than the observed. BUT if you have had an interaction with someone — if the person has experienced you in some manner — then maybe there is something to be gained by taking a closer look at both positive and negative feedback. (How would you feel going through life with no negative behavior check and no positive behavior reinforcement?) You might learn something about how you are putting yourself out into the world, about the presence you're making. So, instead of dismissing a judgment (whether it’s negative or positive) as “none of your business,” consider asking yourself the following questions: 

Who is proffering the judgment?

What part are you playing in the interaction?

Is this the first time you're hearing this feedback, from this person or someone else?

Is there a common theme?

What if the judgment were true?

It is up to you to decide what to do, if anything, with that information.